2014’s doormats of college basketball

We’ve reached the point of the year where some schools are gunning for top seeds. Others just want to reach the tournament or even the NIT. For these programs, however, they just want to win a game in their league.

Hey, it's a living.

Hey, it’s a living.

Here are the five schools (No. 1 being the worse) that have yet to win a conference game this season. Congratulations to Grambling State for just avoiding this list by getting its first SWAC win last week. Now if only you could get a football team that didn’t mutiny.

No. 5 Texas Christian: 9-15, 0-12 Big 12

What’s ironic is TCU had a 9-3 record in non-conference action, but is now associated with the poorest in the nation thanks to its Big-12 neighbors.

The lesson here is if you want to move up a conference for your football team then be prepared to ignore the hardwood if your program has no pedigree. Otherwise, you might end up with the nastiest promotion this season.

Fried pickles? FRIED PICKLES? TCU even followed up on the promotion.

I can’t believe three TCU students agreed to have their photo taken for free fried pickles. Baylor and Texas Tech fans should have this as their wallpaper image.

Can TCU win a Big-12 game? Doubtful

All of the other conference schools have a winning record. Oklahoma State at home on February 24 is probably its best bet.

No. 4 San Jose Stat: 0-13, 6-19 Mountain West

There are rebuilding efforts and then there is San Jose State. The Spartans have 13 players with six of them freshmen. Throw in a first-year head coach and the season can’t end fast enough.

When the school is boasting about having a halftime lead for the first time in a month it’s time to go home. San Jose State only scored nine points in the second half and lost to Wyoming 46-38.

Can San Jose State win a Mountain West game? Yes

Its last three conference games are against teams with losing conference records. Fresno State at home on March 8 looks promising.

No. 3 Illinois-Chicago: 5-21, 0-12 Horizon League

How bad are the UIC Flames? Just take a look at its Twitter account.

These people are on to me. If they don't tweet I can't make fun of them.

These people are on to me. If they don’t tweet I can’t make fun of them.

What’s worse? A division I program being inactive in social media or the fact that 26 people are following said inactive account.

The Flames have come close, losing in the final seconds at Oakland 76-75. UIC has also been blown out by basketball juggernauts Northwestern and Valparaiso at home. So baby steps.

Can UIC win a Horizon League game? Yes

UIC plays three of its final four games at home with two teams with losing records still on the schedule. Look for the first win to come against Oakland or Detroit.

No. 2 Citadel: 4-23, 0-12 Southern

Three of Citadel’s four wins have come against non-division I teams meaning it really is a 1-23 team. Things are so bad for the Bulldogs that it is an achievement to just be remotely competitive in a game.

That’s right, striking distance. Where else is being within striking distance against 8-17 Furman a good thing?

Can the Citadel win a Southern game? Yes

The Bulldogs have taken two teams into overtime so they can do it. At the very least Citadel should stay in “striking distance” of Samford and Georgia Southern.

No. 1 Southern Utah: 1-22, 0-14 Big Sky

Meet the worse team in college basketball, the Thunderbirds. Southern Utah is dead last in the nation in points per game at a measly 56.2, over two points less than the next team. The Thunderbirds are also in the bottom four rebounding. Just look at how exciting they get when they actually score.

When you forget the fact that Southern Utah is down by eight that three-pointer is almost a big deal. Southern Utah has yet to defeat a single division I team and has been blown out by the likes of Northern Arizona.

Can Southern Utah win a Big Sky game? Nope

Sorry, the Thunderbirds can’t score. Portland State at home this Thursday is a long shot and that might be generous.

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